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If you’ve landed here, chances are adoption has tugged on your heart, and if so, welcome to one of the most life-altering journeys you’ll ever walk. International adoption is layered with paperwork, delays, emotional highs and lows, and plenty of unknowns. But it’s also lined with indescribable joy, fierce love, and a deep sense of purpose.

Whether you're just beginning to explore adoption or deep in the trenches, I want to offer not just encouragement, but help based on our personal experience navigating international adoption in South Africa during a global pandemic and a surprise pregnancy. I’ve been in your shoes… overwhelmed, confused, and wondering what comes next. So here’s our story, step-by-step, along with insights I hope will guide you.

Step 1: Domestic vs. International Adoption

This decision shapes the entire course of your journey. For us, we considered domestic adoption, foster care, and international adoption. Ultimately, we chose international adoption for two primary reasons:

Permanency – Permanence was a big factor for John as we had friends who told us stories about their domestic adoption failures after an initial placement where the birth family had changed their mind or circumstances changed.
Cultural Connection – After John and I got married, we had a wanderlust to explore the world which initially nudged me towards international adoption. We also hadn’t spent a significant time abroad beyond 2-week vacations, so we were also excited but fortunate that we’d be able to commit to the often extended travel out of the country.

The decision isn’t easy, but reflecting on your values, openness, and long-term vision for your family helps guide the way.

Step 2: Choose a Country & Agency (Not Always in That Order)

Every country has different rules about everything & anything you’d imagine (and some that you wouldn’t): your age, marriage length, health, mental health history, income, and more. We were set on adopting from a country we’d visited. That narrowed our options and ruled out some amazing agencies whose programs didn’t align with our criteria.

Make sure that you pick a country that’s a member of the Hague Convention, which establishes international standards of practices for intercountry adoptions. Unfortunately there is a very dark history in international adoptions, so whatever you can do to not repeat that history is critical!

After a round of agency meetings, we were chatting with friends who are foster parents, and they introduced us to a local agency and social worker that finally clicked. They had a phenomenal program in India we were very seriously considering; however, as I eluded to above, a non-negotiable for me was adopting from a country we’d visited before so we knew enough about the culture from having visited and knew it was a country we’d tie our family to & be ready to commit to returning to for the rest of our lives. We hadn’t visited India yet, and for me, it felt unfair to take a child from their home country without having a baseline of having been there before to have a true appreciation of where they are from.

My heart was being pulled towards Africa because it is the single place in the world that I’ve felt most free, happy and calm, so we asked our social worker for advice on connecting with other agencies with more programs in Africa. They led us to the agency we eventually contracted with who had a program in South Africa, a country we loved, respected, and felt we could commit to for life. It was a leap of faith, but one we were excited to take.

Step 3: Initial Application & Contract

We were the first couple to contract in our agency’s South Africa program. Exciting, yes, but also nerve-wracking. This step opened the floodgates to the mountain of paperwork that would follow. It felt like stepping into a storm… but we were ready.

Step 4: The Dossier (aka The Paperwork Gauntlet)

The dossier stage includes:

A full home study
Medical exams, background checks, fingerprints
Financial documents and references
Writing your life story… yes, really

This stage took us four months, and we were told we were one of the fastest! Get organized (spreadsheets are your friend) and consider therapy during this season. Adoption is rooted in trauma, and the process will stir up things in your own life that you may not expect. Heal as you prepare to help your child heal, too.

Step 5: Submit Your Dossier… and Start Waiting

Every country program is a bit different here from what we’ve heard.

For South Africa, once your dossier is submitted starts your official waitlist clock. We submitted ours on our five-year wedding anniversary. We were told to expect 1–3 years of waiting.

If you’re Type A like me, this part can be brutal. It’s where I truly learned (okay, was forced) to surrender control.

Step 6: Match Day!

On December 7, 2020, after 16 months of waiting, we got “the call” about a little girl named Lowina who would eventually become our daughter. It was one of the most emotional days of my life. We sobbed and stared at her sweet face.

You’ll work with a doctor specializing in international adoption to review your child’s medical records. You’ll complete a personalized transition plan to support their specific needs. And when you're ready—you officially accept the match.

Step 7: Pre-Travel Paperwork (and learn the greatest lesson in patience)

This was the hardest of all of our waits in the process. Seeing your child’s face and longing to hold them with no control over that timeline or process is such a humbling experience that at times rocked me to the core.

This stage includes:

Section 17 approval
I-800 approval
DS-260 approval
Article 5 approval
Petitioning for a court date

We were told this process would take ~6 months in total, and we’d be able to meet our daughter shortly after her second birthday. That timeline was wildly extended thanks to interesting circumstances. We celebrated Lowina’s 2nd birthday without her, clinging to photo updates while longing to hold her.

The first step of receiving our Section 17 approval came in July 2021 after being told that our paperwork was literally lost on someone’s desk, the same estimation of when we’d be able to meet Lowina face to face. But now, we still had a ways to go until that time would come.

To pass the time, we traveled to Iceland, where we received one of our favorite smiling photos of Lowina on a ferry. It was both healing and heartbreaking.

A Surprise Pregnancy… and a Twist

Just when we were finally approaching the final step in our process, we learned I was pregnant.

For a few terrifying weeks, we thought the pregnancy might disrupt our adoption of Lowina. We fought hard to stay in the process, and after a lot of effort & tears, we won.

The news came just in time for our next big trip to East Africa where we trekked with chimpanzees and gorillas (not recommended in your first trimester if you aren’t able to eat like me!), safari’d through the Great Migration in Kenya & Tanzania and finished off with a relaxing stay in Zanzibar. I’m a big believer that timing and things happen for a reason, and this was a must needed trip at exactly the right time to help us reset our heads & hearts to move forward.

Step 8: Prep for and Travel to Meet Your Child

This was such an exciting moment because we were finally allowed to send Lowina a “family book” so her Gogo could introduce her to us in photos and start preparing her to meet her new parents and family.

A week before takeoff, we learned our planned 6–8 week stay in South Africa would actually need to be at least 3 months.

With a due date looming in May, we had to decide:

Meet Lowina now and give birth abroad
Or wait until after the baby was born

There was no choice for me, my heart was in South Africa.

We delayed our travel & court date by two weeks to hurriedly prepare our home (now for two daughters!) and re-packed our bags again. I researched everything about international birth and found Blissful Births, an incredible midwife team who would become our extended family while abroad. And off we went!

I spent A LOT of time reading and researching all of the things we’d need for a surprise birth abroad. We had to transition our birth plan from my tried & true gynecologist in the US to a whole new world of healthcare in South Africa.

People hear Africa and tend to think rural & safari, but they often don’t realize it’s rattled with bustling cities, and South Africa in particular is home to phenomenal doctors that are on the cutting edge in their respective fields, so luckily I knew I’d be in great hands there! I dug into the history of child birth, got passionate about preparing my body for a natural birth and set off on a plan to make that happen with a midwife that was referred to me by the doula I was planning to work with in the US.

Recognizing that I’d need to be traveling home after giving birth, my goal was to strive for a natural birth (or basically no cesarean) if I could to eliminate the potential of having a major surgery weeks before a 16-hour flight back to the states. It was a ton of time & energy to find the right birth partners and I’m so thankful I found Blissful Births. They became family in a time where our family was miles and literally an ocean away.

Step 9: Meet Your Child

The day we met Lowina is forever etched in my soul. We worked with a local videographer in Johannesburg (Zandile of Bucket List Studios) to capture the moment.

We knew that while this was the day we’d dreamed of forever, Lowina may have been dreading because she’d be leaving the home she knew & loved. We were fully there to walk through all of her feelings as she processed her loss & grief. We’re thankful to have this video which highlights all of the emotions of our initial meeting. Lowina often requests watching her “Goodbye Lowina” video and pointing out all of the amazing Gogo’s that loved on her so much throughout her early life.

Step 10: Court Day

On court day, the judge declared us officially Lowina’s mom and dad. We celebrated with another adopting family whose daughter grew up alongside ours. It was a surreal, beautiful, exhausting day.

We commemorated the day with dinner with another adopting family that had arrived in country to meet their daughter a few days later (one of Lowina’s besties she grew up with).

Step 11: Family Time in Country (and a Baby is Born)

With court behind us, we still had to complete:

Noting & name change
Passport & visa applications

But we had something else to focus on now: family time.

We traveled, played, laughed, nested, and connected in ways we’ll never forget. We were in the thick of enjoying our sacred time as a family of three and preparing for Ellie’s birth by appointments with Blissful Births, which kept us busy and our minds off the long waiting process. This was easily the easiest of all of our waiting processes because we got to spend it with Lowina in the flesh!

While we were abroad, we enjoyed so many memories together as a family and met some phenomenal people who turned into family. Our lives changed for the better through the ups & downs of our almost 6-months abroad.

Then, in mid-May, Ellie was born in a natural home birth in South Africa with the help, support & love of our incredible midwife team. We finalized Ellie’s paperwork, including a passport in just two weeks.

Late May, we decided to contract with a lawyer to help us finish out Lowina’s paperwork process, which continued to encounter delays, so we could get both of our girls back to the states. Luckily, that helped push our process along, and after over 5 long months abroad, it was time to return home to NC!

Step 12: Return to the States

Our travels home with the girls is another story for the books! At this point, delays continued for Lowina’s paperwork. I was past 6 weeks postpartum, and we made the hard decision: I would return to the U.S. with Ellie, and John would stay in South Africa with Lowina.

Luckily, Ellie and I were met by my in-laws at home who are the best support system as we transitioned and I was a single mom for a little over a week before John got word that Lowina’s passport and visa were approved and ready for pick-up, so they could fly home. The day that John and Lowina arrived to NC is one that will be ingrained in my brain forever.

We’d prepared Lowina for months around what it would be like in NC, what our house and her room looks like, what food she could enjoy, and more. Watching her meet her PopPop, see her forever bedroom and the looks of joy on her face are special moments that made everything, every delay, every tear worth it.

Step 13: Post-Adoption Reports

This is another important part in the process and something your agency will ask you to commit to upfront to keep them in good standing with their sister agency in-country. With South Africa, you’ll complete reports at 3 months, 6 months, and annually through year 5. These include home visits and check-ins with your social worker.

They're an important part of honoring the process, your child’s home country, and ensuring long-term success as a family.

What’s Next?

This journey took nearly 3.5 years, two children, five months abroad, and one heck of a story. It brought grief and joy, trauma and healing, and stretched our faith and patience in ways we never imagined.

But we wouldn’t change it for the world.

What’s next for our family?! I remember vividly at multiple points in this process saying “I don’t think we could ever do this again” but here we are, 3 years later, having made the decision that we’re going to do it all over again (minus the surprise pregnancy part!).

Follow along and support our second adoption journey using this link.

If you’re considering adoption, especially international adoption, I’m here. Whether you need encouragement, practical tips, or help planning your travels, don’t hesitate to reach out.

As a travel advisor and adoptive mom, I now help families navigate adoption travel logistics and building cultural connections abroad. When you’re ready, I’d be honored to help you plan the most meaningful trip of your life.

Navigating the Process of International Adoption: Our Journey to South Africa (and Our Daughter)